The Ecosystem Challenge: Part 2
- Dr. Mark Maxwell
- 6 days ago
- 6 min read
Expanding your media world to learn, grow and talk to that one person you just can’t talk to
OMG how could they think that!?
We've all been there. That burning question about your annoying neighbor, that one family member, or that coworker nobody wants to get stuck talking to at the holiday party. Or — and I say this with love — maybe you're the one people are avoiding. No judgment.
Here's the deal: there are really only a few ways to answer that question. You can run to your corner of the internet where everyone already agrees with you. Or you can do the harder, more interesting thing — make some moves toward actually understanding. Gently expand your ecosystem.
And if you're going to do that, I'd encourage you to set your sights on something bigger than just understanding. Maybe…empathizing?
Did I just use a dirty word? Hear me out.
Strong Opinions Come From Somewhere Real
As I've talked about before, we get triggered in our social media and news worlds. And we can't get triggered without something in our past that got activated. So if someone holds a really strong opinion — one that makes you want to throw your phone across the room — there's a good chance it came from something. Doesn't have to be big, but it's there. Fear. Hurt. Pain. Anxiety. Something valid.
You don't have to agree with where they landed. But you can try to understand how they got there. We're aiming for: "I can see that. That makes sense." Again, you don’t have to agree. But you can see. Welcome to the gateway to empathy.
Simply disagreeing doesn't move anything. But flip it around for a second — your opinions came from somewhere real too. Now imagine someone reacting to your view by pulling away fast, writing you off, maybe rolling their eyes. Imagine if that person is close to you or you value what they think of you.
Now imagine that someone doing it differently. Or someone who asks a genuine question. Who gives you space to share where you're coming from. Who actually says, "Ah. I get it." And doesn't flinch.
No, really. Do it. Take a moment and actually imagine.
It's progress. It keeps us in the conversation. And we might actually learn something. That's how we slowly pull ourselves back from these hyper-polarized, heavily armed silos we've all retreated into.
Practical Ways to Expand Your World
To get there, it helps a lot to diversify where you're getting your information and who you're listening to. This is an extension of the examination we spoke of last time. Here are some places to start:
Check your sources. I'm a fan of Ad Fontes Media — they have a great visual tool that maps news outlets and podcasts on both bias and reliability. Here's the thing: left or right bias matters less than whether a source actually ranks high on reliability and value. My suggestion? Don't give something up. Just add something from their green box. If you're already in the green, try nudging toward the center.
Try Ground News or Tangle. If you're a reader, Ground News is an aggregate news source that shows you how different outlets cover the exact same story. Tangle covers one topic a day showing how both sides can engage respectfully. It even claims to have saved a marriage, so there's that.
Get into podcasts. I came to podcasts late, but I'm fully converted. One that got me started (besides SmartLess — seriously, give it a listen) is Left, Right & Center. It's exactly what it sounds like: a current political topic, one voice from the left, one from the right, moderated from the center by host David Greene. What surprised me is that it doesn't just model respect — these people genuinely care about each other. Watch what happens when people actually try. The Rest Is Politics is worth checking out for a similar vibe — different ideologies, real conversation.
Two other examples stand out to me. On The Ezra Klein Show, Klein has brought on conservative voices like Ben Shapiro and Utah Republican Governor Spencer Cox — not to score points or own them, but to actually understand. And California Governor Gavin Newsom has hosted Charlie Kirk and Steve Bannon on his podcast. Whatever you think of Newsom, he went in explicitly to dialogue, not debate — to understand what drives their politics. You may find yourself, as these hosts often do, agreeing with "the other side" on more than you expected.
And I have to give a shout to The Joe Rogan Experience. Rogan brings a genuinely wide variety of guests for more casual, wide-ranging conversation. It's a real cultural space — which is great. But it's worth noting that Rogan is not a journalist, and that's an important distinction you should be aware of with what you’re listening to. He may not push back, fact-check, or critically explore a topic the same way. With the massive platform he has, though — as many a superhero can attest — much power comes with much responsibility.
Practice and learn
Now put the two together. As you listen to a podcast, read a news story, watch a dialogue, can you lean in? First, start to notice what happens with you when you react to something someone says. How strong is the reaction? Is it emotional? What thoughts come to mind? Understand your process first and maybe even what gets in the way from you listening and understanding the other side.
Next, look for places of agreement. I’m always impressed with the Left, Right, Center crew when they almost always start with where they might agree before bringing a point where they disagree or see it differently. What common ground do you share? Can you put that first?
Break it up into parts. Most issues are complex and have many parts. Which ones do you agree with? Do you share the same belief in the problem or part of the problem but disagree on solution? Or tactics? More often than not we all share in similar concerns and share common desires. We may not share the same intensity or concern level over a problem… but can still agree there is a problem. Parts language also allows us to see the complexity of the issue even in ourselves. A part of me may feel one way and another part of me feels differently. Can any of our parts agree?
A great example of this is the topic of immigration. Do you agree that the United States has a problem with immigration? That question is way too broad. We need to break it up into parts. But it has been an issue with strong opinions for years. If you think it has been negative recently, check out attitudes in '95! Given it has been an issue for so long, chances are we can come around various parts of the problem to find agreement. And yet, given how contentious the issue is being handled at the moment can lead people away from even talking about the problem or agreeing on any of its parts. Or even dismissing the whole issue outright! Lately, our language around the issue has descended beyond debate and into vitriol and cruelty. But check out these two Republicans debate the topic when they agree there is an issue... in 1980!
It's great to test this internal process while watching, listening or reading. But talking with someone is much harder. Especially when their opinion of you matters in any way or you care about them. The closer you are to the person, the harder the convo can be, leading a person like me to avoid (typical withdrawer!) Can you come around agreements first? Can you put the parts you share forward before making a point? Can you validate where their concerns are or even ask where those concerns might be personal? You might find legitimate fears. If you’re getting stuck, you can always zoom back out and return to common ground, but you have to establish that ground first.
Leading with care creates the space to explore. Take the time to make this space so you can talk. It’s a sacred space where dialogue happens instead of debate, where collaboration is born even with different viewpoints. And more often than not, even if our minds aren’t changed, our hearts will be.
The Bottom Line
An echo chamber might feel good. Validation is comfortable. But over the long run, it doesn't help you grow — and it definitely doesn't help us get anywhere together.
So take the challenge. Read or listen to something new. Be intentional, a little more open-minded, and lean in. You might be surprised what you find on the other side.
This is part of an ongoing series through a relational lens — exploring how attachment theory shows up in culture, politics, media, and everyday life.
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